LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a suitable lubricant in most settings. “This research has taken us nearly ten years and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of federal funding from the National Institute of Health, but after this week we’ve come to a breakthrough and have finally determined that Greek yogurt just doesn’t do it,” said Dr. Dennis Rogers, before reaching into a large vat of Greek yogurt and placing it in a bowl for later consumption. “It was truly a pain in the ass.” At press time the Bixby Center released a statement affirming that they hope to utilize their recent discovery to help advance research further into the viability of dairy-based sexual lubricants.
