
Washington, D.C. — With or without a ceasefire deal, Benjamin Netanyahu has promised to continue to rain hellfire upon Palestinians, due to a binding pinky promise he made to Joe Biden as a young boy. “No backsies means no backsies. Legally, there’s really nothing I can do at this point,” said Netanyahu, as he proactively helped IDF soldiers prepare extra artillery like a good All-American boy. “That fateful interlocking of our supple fingers underneath a fall tree in Scranton, Pennsylvania was a symbol of our friendship, our connection to each other, and our dedication to manifest destiny.” At press time, Netanyahu and Biden sat criss-cross applesauce playing Down by the Banks while a big Kerplops fell over Gaza.