ANNAPOLIS, MD — After recovering from a recent drop onto concrete, a local Hyrdoflask was bestowed the prestigious “Purple Heart” sticker for its heroism and bravery. “When a true American falls, he gets right back up again,” commented the 32 oz. black Hydroflask, whose newly affixed Purple Heart sticker glistened next to a weathered “Mystery Spot Santa Cruz” decal. “It is a true honor to receive this,” the double-vacuum container continued, “but it is an even greater honor to serve and protect against dehydration.” 48 hours later, sources confirm that the water inside the honoree was “still super cold.”
