WESTWOOD—The UCLA Political Science department released a report Wednesday indicating that unless drastic actions were taken, the smell emanating from between the Rieber and Holly residential halls would destabilize the region by 2020.
“The smell is unidentifiable, and it’s making everyone uneasy,” said head researcher Jason Hollis in an interview. “The cross between raw sewage and sulfur is heightening tensions between residents of Rieber and Holly, and if we don’t act soon, even the Saxon Suites may be brought into the bloodshed.”
Residents of both regions confirmed this. “I was walking with my friends to FEAST one day, and we decided to go up the ramp because it’s so much easier than the stairs,” said Holly resident Sam Prasad. “Big mistake. Before I know what’s what, we’re swarmed with this smell. And it’s still in our clothes. I don’t know what the rest of my life smelled like–those memories have been annihilated.”
Few would be spared in the upcoming battle, Hollis reported. “What we’ll likely be seeing is some property damage–a large chasm will likely replace the roadway between the path and Holly. This will open up into De Neve Plaza, and we’re predicting this will actually give the smell a little freedom and ultimately wreak some havoc on the residents there.”
No plans have yet been proposed to take care of the mounting issue, which Hollis has said was “of the utmost importance.”
