Pornography these days is more accessible than it’s ever been, particularly to the younger generation. Porn is everywhere. It’s on the computer. It’s on the internet. It’s online. You can even find porn if you look for it on the web. Gone are the days when you could safely type “tits” or “cocks” into the search engine and be certain that the first 300 hits would be concerned only with species of birds. And it is this mass exposure to porn that is drastically altering the way our children view pizza delivery men.
Pizza deliverers are grossly misrepresented by the porn industry. Not once will you watch a porno where a woman orders a pizza, receives said pizza, gives the delivery guy the tip, and he does not give her his. They always have sex. If all the pizza delivery-themed pornos in the world were each a slice of a big porno pizza pie and you combined all the porno slices which depicted the delivery guy and the customer getting it on, you would still have the entire porno pizza pie. The whole pie is there. No one has eaten a slice. They were too busy doing it.
Back in my day, whenever I would answer the door for the pizza delivery guy, I would always think, “This man is here to give me the pizza I ordered. He may or may not desire to put his penis inside of me.” But the kids nowadays have just been so bombarded by these pornographic inaccuracies that they think, “If I invite the pizza man to ‘come inside’, he absolutely will.”
With millennials nowadays, it’s never a question. There’s never any lingering doubts that, “Hey, maybe the pizza delivery man doesn’t want to give me this ‘extra large sausage’.” And as the mother of three porn-addicted, fresh pizza-loving, DiGiorno-detesting teens, this frightens me to no end.
Just last night, our family ordered a pizza, and my daughter almost answered the door for the pizza deliveryman because I was distracted writing an op-ed. Fortunately, I was able to intervene at the last second and prevent any interaction between my oldest child and the pizza delivery guy who she automatically assumed to be horny as hell. Who knows what sexually-depraved acts my daughter would have expected this unsuspecting pizza deliverer to commit with her had I not been there to intercept and conduct the transaction?
There are a plethora of reasons that a pizza delivery guy could have to not want to have sex while working. Maybe he’s got a kid at home, and he doesn’t want to jeopardize his employment status by breaking company policy. Maybe on the drive over, he saw a dead dog on the side of the road, and it was a total boner killer. Maybe he saw a burnt pepperoni slightly resembling the handsome mug of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, and now he himself wants to be delivered and to wait until marriage. Or maybe he just got done making love with the previous customer, and he doesn’t have any “extra sauce” left to give.
The porno industry needs to wake up. Not all pizza delivery guys are in the mood to have sex while on the job. If you’re going to put a pizza delivery character in a porno, please do so responsibly. Sure, sometimes the delivery man can exchange a pizza for a sexual favor if the customer happens to have no cash on hand, but a bit of time on her’s before her husband gets home. Just don’t make it the case every single time; that’s misleading and promotes false perceptions. Maybe one time, the woman gets a pizza and pays the deliveryman for it, and then he goes on his merry way without stuffing her crust. And the woman sits down and enjoys her delicious pie before her lesbian non-pizza delivering neighbor comes over and does the same.
I urge all the porn makers out there, both amateur and professional, to revise their traditional character development practices when it comes to always-DTF pizza delivery men. The youth of today must not be provided with such dangerous mischaracterizations, especially from such a trusted educational source as porn.
