WESTWOOD—Noting the present difficulty in performing cross-building vaults, badass flips, roof-to-roof diving rolls and miscellaneous leaps, UCLA’s parkour club submitted a petition today demanding that the distance between all campus structures be minimized. “As it stands, there are not many places on campus where we can pull off really sick flips,” said club president Megan Small, whose current jumping distance barely clears the space between Haines and Royce halls. “If Kerckhoff was close enough to Maths and Sciences for me to make it across without having to get like a fifty foot downhill running start, wouldn’t that be so fucking rad?” In addition to recreational benefits, members of the club cite ease of transport between different areas of campus, declaring that the time spent walking from Bunche to Franz hall would be significantly less “if [they] could simply dive through a few windows”.
