Fellas – I know midterms are tough. I know it’s so hard to feel romantic in these trying times. I know you straight up forgot you had a girlfriend. But please, don’t get tempted by that heart-shaped Nerds Gummy Cluster box in the Hilltop Shop. Is the packaging cute? Sure. Is it an adorable gift in addition to other, better gifts? Absolutely. But if you are solely buying your girlfriend a Hilltop Shop gift on Valentine’s Day, I sincerely hope your girlfriend breaks up with you and you also get hit by a scooter (preferably her scooter.)
Your girlfriend deserves better. She’s listened to every single Drake song you’ve ever recommended to her (and you’re wrong, his early music is not better.) She’s helped teach you how to have conversations that don’t start and end with “what’s your major?” She consoled you when you failed an open-note take-home midterm. So please, for the love of god, at least go to Ralphs. It’s not much better, but you do have to walk more than 500 feet to get there.
And if you do get her a gift from the Hilltop Shop, could you please send me her Instagram or possibly her number so that I can personally reach out and apologize? I just think she deserves a shoulder to cry on. A shoulder that will bravely go to Trader Joe’s for her.