Op-Ed: How ‘Bout Some Uncomfortable Small Talk As We Walk To Class?

How ’bout it?

Well, look at this. We happened to run into each other as we’re both walking to class! You know, the one that I teach and that you’re a student in. What a perfect opportunity for some uncomfortable small talk as we walk there together. How ‘bout it?

Right now I bet you’re thinking, “If only I’d left my place a minute earlier, a minute later, we wouldn’t have run into each other.” Well, you’re in it now, buddy. Did you think that professors are able to magically teleport to their classrooms? We have to walk there too, y’know.

We could talk about your grade on that last quiz, which was a bit of a disappointment. Are you doing okay? Anything wrong in your personal life that’s affecting your academic performance? Or you can tell me what you’re planning on writing about for your final paper – I’m sure you’ve already thought up some ideas and aren’t just waiting until the last minute!

I could ask you what you thought about that one comment I made in lecture last week. You know, the one I made when you were nodding off.

When we get there, you can despair over whether or not to hold the door for me as we walk in. That would be polite, wouldn’t it? Or will it just look like you’re trying to suck up to me? I will remember every ineptitude and awkward quirk that you exhibit with my flawless professor memory, don’t you worry.

Ah, finally, we’re here. Maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll both leave at exactly the same time too!