New York Times Endorses Festering Corpse Of George McGovern For President

NEW YORK — The New York Times editorial board made the unexpected choice Sunday to endorse George McGovern, failed 1972 presidential candidate and rotting corpse, for the 2020 election. “We at the Times know it is a great responsibility to endorse one of the numerous Democratic candidates currently running for president, which is why we decided to just not do it,” said the board of their decision to endorse McGovern, whose current exploits include entering a state of active decomposition in a South Dakota grave. “We think that Senator McGovern’s calm, stable energy perfectly embodies the Times’ reputation as the voice of the modern American voter. His previous campaign experience and legislative prowess more than make up for the fact that his 2012 death has left him little more than a desiccated cadaver.” When informed that they would, in fact, be unable to support the nomination of a decaying politician, the editorial board reportedly decided to endorse “a few of the girls, then.”

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About Dylan Wood 15 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.