OXNARD, CA—Sources report that earlier this week, your mom wanted to know what ever happened to Jonathan from high school. “He was such a nice boy,” said your mom, unaware that Jonathan has since been fired from three part time jobs for routinely showing up high. “He was so respectful when he came over for dinner, and you know, his brother Jimmy is graduating from Stanford this year and I thought it’d be nice to see both of them some time.” At press time, your best friends were advising you not to tell your mother the truth about Jonathan.
