TRENTON, NJ — Jerome McConichcachl, a twenty-two year old who would try anything once, was found guilty last Saturday of first degree murder. “I was doing bath salts because my friend offered it to me – and I had just got back from this crazy sex rave, and then I watched Casablanca ‘cause I’d never seen it – but anyway I got drunk off this weird Swiss liquor that I thought I would try, and my friend said he was gonna murder someone, so I said I’d just do it because I’ve been meaning to try it,” said McConichcachl while he was fly fishing in North Carolina. “Honestly, I’m alright with the verdict because I wanted to try going to prison at least once.” At press time, McConichcachl was debating whether or not to try second-degree murder.
