WESTWOOD, CA—Area man Robert Lophis, an average student with an average body, was recently heard saying that he would go to the gym tomorrow. Those close to the man state that he usually spends his days procrastinating on work and binge-watching television shows. When approached by his roommate about going out for a jog last week, Lophis promptly brought up the excuse of an impending midterm.
Lophis, however, has remained resolute in his insistence that he will definitely go to the gym tomorrow. “It’s not like I don’t exercise. I don’t enjoy it, but I do it because that’s what my body requires.” Lophis even possesses a coveted gym membership, which he has put to good use, going to the gym almost three times in the last year. Interestingly, Lophis wears gym clothes at least twice a week. “But I will definitely go tomorrow. You know, unless something comes up.” Statisticians confirmed today that based on previous patterns of behavior, the chances of something coming up were about 93.86742%, give or take 132.87%.
During a lull in the proceedings, Lophis was overheard complaining loudly about how it was impossible to get abs like the men in media, and subsequently consoled himself by purchasing an ice cream sandwich.
