Washington D.C. – Earlier today, the Drug Enforcement Administration issued a statement regarding the League of Legends epidemic. “Countless studies have shown secondhand effects of Cheeto-stained surfaces, pungent B.O. polluting the air, and dirty laundry piling up. That’s bad enough for us to put League on the same level as LSD and cannabis,” said DEA administrator Anne Milgram, still shaken from studying last month’s League World Championship games. “Even after introducing showers, outdoor physical activity, and nice young women to League victims, the battle still rages on. Anyone caught with possession of League will be thrown into our Administrative Maximum Security Penitentiary effective immediately.” At press time, Milgram was going undercover in a Discord voice call to bust players in queue for a ranked match.