WESTWOOD — After a decline in sales of Porto’s Bakery rolls and Krispy Kreme donuts, increasingly desperate clubs have begun selling their own organs on Bruinwalk. “Support the Daily Bruin with our two-kidney-for-one deal! The hearts are still beating, but they give out quick!” shouted fourth-year MCDB student Josh Sleazo, shoving a bundle of intestines into the hand of a passer-by. “For those of you without the funds to support us, feel free to donate yourself! We have our best pre-meds ready to get practice on any surgery required.” At press time, Sleazo was performing open-heart surgery on an unsuspecting first-year with a Kerckhoff wooden knife.
