Freshman Relieved She Done With Hardest Quarter

WESTWOOD — Sources report that first-year pre-anthropology major Amelia Collins is relieved she is done with her hardest quarter of her college career. “Everyone told me I’d be set for life if I worked hard through high school, and you can bet your butt I did! I’m finally at UCLA and everything I’ve ever wished for has come true. The first quarter was harder than I’d expected–because of adjustment issues, I’m sure–but it’ll be smooth sailing from here on!” said Collins, pausing to admire the way the L.A. sun played with the treetops. “Nope, no more anxiety for me!” At press time, Collins’ smile wavered as she walked past a group of second-years critiquing each others’ LinkedIn profiles.