Study: Fetuses’ Chakras Visible On Ultrasound At 10 Weeks
BALTIMORE — A recent Johns Hopkins University study concluded that prenatal ultrasounds can detect fetuses’ chakras as early as ten weeks into pregnancy. “Our findings […]
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Alex Jones Announces “InfoWars: On Ice!”
NEW YORK — Well-known performance artist Alex Jones announced today that he will be taking his conspiracy peddling radio show to Madison Square Garden with […]
Graduating Senior Unknowingly Makes Last New Friend Ever
WESTWOOD—Graduating senior Danielle Rojas unknowingly made her last new friend ever when she befriended fellow student Allison Yang last Thursday. “She’s pretty chill, I guess,” […]
Op-Ed: Wonder Woman Should Smile More
When I first heard that DC was making a Wonder Woman movie, I was skeptical. Some of the best super heroes are men, and […]
Shapiro Fountain Now Just Champagne
WESTWOOD — In the wake of graduation photo shoots, oceanographers confirm that the Shapiro Fountain near Royce Hall is now just flowing with champagne. “There’s […]
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Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Study: 87% Of LA Middle Schoolers Currently In Ackerman A-Level
WESTWOOD — Nearly 87% of children attending middle school in L.A. are currently standing around in Ackerman A-Level, according to a recent study conducted by […]
RA Responds To Keurig Explosion
WESTWOOD–Sproul Hall Residential Advisor (RA) Shay Stephens responded to a violent and fiery Keurig coffee maker explosion on the fifth floor this past Friday night. […]
Report: Mom Got The Good Cookies This Time
NEW ROCHELLE, NY—Multiple sources have confirmed that Mom just got back from the grocery store and got the good cookies this time. “What? Yeah I […]
Student Still Thinks Next Quarter Will Be Better
WESTWOOD — Despite years of experience suggesting otherwise, third year political science major Gianna Palos still thinks next quarter will be better. “I’m really going […]