BREAKING: Katie Dropped From Theta
WESTWOOD — In an upset some are calling “once in a lifetime,” sources report that first-year Communications student Katie Moore has been dropped from Kappa […]
WESTWOOD — In an upset some are calling “once in a lifetime,” sources report that first-year Communications student Katie Moore has been dropped from Kappa […]
WESTWOOD — In a statement released by the UCLA Campus Events Commission (CEC), the office’s Commissioner recognized the failure of the organization to properly distribute […]
WASHINTON, DC — Donald Trump, current President of the United States, accidentally fired himself on Monday, 200 days into his term, sources say. “In the […]
WESTWOOD—Straddling dozens of students while shimmying his way through the lecture hall’s middle aisle, third year anthropology major Deven McFarlene gave a series of lap […]
WESTWOOD—New Chemistry 144 teaching assistant Christian Lopez reportedly cannot wait to mansplain chemistry to his female students.“It’s tough to be a woman in STEM these […]
LOS ANGELES — The last remaining chunk of Muffin, a local dwarf hamster, is still stuck in a Roomba belonging to area woman Janine Ordonez. […]
WESTWOOD—A potentially disastrous argument was avoided last week when two second year best friends, Rachel Makenna and Selena Atsinger, realized that neither of them has […]
DENVER — Considering her many different emotions regarding working out, area woman Colleen Simpson stated that she was unsure whether she thinks of exercising as an […]
BALTIMORE — A recent Johns Hopkins University study concluded that prenatal ultrasounds can detect fetuses’ chakras as early as ten weeks into pregnancy. “Our findings […]
WESTWOOD—After multiple claims that she was getting frustrated with patrons stealing things, sneaking in, and generally causing a ruckus, dining hall employee Diane Wollman confirmed […]
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