New UC Tuition Plan To Let Students Pay In 1,000 Easy Payments Of $16.99
OAKLAND—Calling it the “best kept secret” in public education and emphasizing “great savings” that will be had on the part of students, the University of […]
News
USAC President Resigns; Student Government Set To Hold Yet Another Goddam Election
WESTWOOD—In the wake of Devin Murphy’s resignation today, leaving the position of president vacant a mere 6 months after being elected, USAC looks set to […]
Area Man Convinced He Was ‘Spotted On Bruin Walk’
WESTWOOD — Scrolling desperately through the latest submissions on popular missed connection site Spotted on Bruin Walk Sunday, 3rd year UCLA Computer Science major and […]
Gene Block Unveils “Diversitron”, Announces Plans To Transform Students Into Minorities
WESTWOOD—In light of UCLA faculty’s recent vote in favor of a diversity course requirement, Chancellor Gene Block has unveiled his latest invention: a 60-foot tall […]
Student Fails Midterm Election
WESTWOOD—Noting a severe lack of knowledge in local politics as well as a preoccupation with school work, second year Hannah Park admitted to having completely […]
International Student Shocked To Learn Texas Is Not The Wild West
WESTWOOD, CA—After a recent trip to Texas, Abdul Nasreen, an international student from the Middle East, declared his shock when it was revealed to him […]
Local Asshole Plans “Edgy” Halloween Costume
LOS ANGELES—Drawing on a combination of recent tragedies and sensitive topics, area man Eric Silva announced Sunday that his Halloween costume will serve as the […]
Addition Of New “History of Blowjobs” Class Causes Widespread Controversy
WESTWOOD—Amidst a steadily increasing tide of budget cuts, many students and faculty members have been left wondering what the future of their departments will be. Over […]
Bruin Café Introduces 3 a.m. “Hate Yourself” Meal Period
WESTWOOD—In an effort to better accommodate the eating habits of the typical college student, Bruin Café has added a new “Hate Yourself” dining period to […]
Post-’90s Decline Of Wallet Chains Leading To Millennial Spike In Wallet Theft
DES MOINES, IA — According to a recent study conducted by the Institute for the Research on Residual ’90s Influences, the annual rate of wallet […]