Unemployable Student Goes To Grad School
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year history major Elisa Lee, who has zero marketable skills or relevant work experience, has just announced her intention to go to graduate […]
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year history major Elisa Lee, who has zero marketable skills or relevant work experience, has just announced her intention to go to graduate […]
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Primrose Miller claimed Monday that their depression is just seasonal, despite it being week eight of spring quarter. “I’m usually totally fine. […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — Seeking to expand on the “No Child Left Behind” educational program, Senate Republicans have rolled out “No Child Left Unshot.” “We think […]
It starts with one thing, and I just don’t know why. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter how hard I try (keep in mind, I didn’t […]
WESTWOOD — ASUCLA announced last Sunday that it is partnering with UniBud to bring students all of their kushy needs, now accessible via their student […]
MISSOULA, MT — Internet personality Hank Green put out another informative TikTok today, in which he revealed the exact time and manner of your demise. […]
PARIS, FRANCE — Paris’ top trend-watchers have announced that everyone’s favorite Swedish backpack is OUT, and a red handkerchief tied to a long crooked branch […]
BAKERSFIELD — During your first phone call in weeks, parents Bob and Susan revealed today that they sold your car and shot your dog while […]
WESTWOOD — Emails leaked this morning revealed that Tucker Carlson has been making pleas for a permanent position at the Daily Bruin. “The woke mob […]
Leaving LA for summer? Or maybe forever? Before you go, use our recs to leave your mark all over Tinsel Town. Here’s every place in […]
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