Finally! 2023 Oscars To Be Nationwide Convention Of Guys Named Oscar
HOLLYWOOD — Today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made a well-received announcement that the 95th Oscars would be a national convention of […]
Celebrities
Opinion: God, If You’re Real, Bring Powell Cat Back
Hey God, it’s me. I know we don’t talk much. Honestly, after I asked you to give me the strength to eat ten hot dogs […]
Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block
Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? […]
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
“Say It Ain’t Saur:” Weezer Embarks On Australian Tour
SYDNEY — The American rock band Weezer has just announced their upcoming tour, titled “Say It Ain’t Saur: Australiaur 2023.” “We’ve translated all of our […]
Prince Harry Apologizes For Accidentally Publishing Dream Diary
SANTA BARBARA — Prince Harry held a press conference outside of his estate this morning to clarify his remarks in his new memoir, “Spare.” “I […]
Opinion: IBS Isn’t Hot Because Diarrhea Is Gross, Actually
Have you heard about how hot girls have IBS? How all the hottest girls are on a low FODMAP diet and can’t look at a […]
Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]
Success! Jesus Didn’t Cry On His Birthday This Year
HEAVEN — The heavens rejoiced yesterday as Jesus made it through his birthday without crying. “There’s just so much pressure to have a good day, […]