WESTWOOD — In an upset some are calling “once in a lifetime,” sources report that first-year Communications student Katie Moore has been dropped from Kappa Alpha Theta during the second round of Panhellenic Recruitment.
“Get out of my fucking face, I don’t want any of those fucking cameras in my face right now,” said a hysterical Moore, crying on a curb on Hilgard Avenue. “What did I just say? Give me some fucking space – you would want some privacy too if you were just fucking dropped from Theta.”
Two days ago, experts predicted that Moore “had the stuff to go all the way.” Theta’s decision to not invite Moore back for Round 3 is thus a shock for not only her, but Panhellenic pundits alike.
“I don’t get it, she’s like really pretty?” commented Panhellenic President Stephanie Smith, who helped oversee the implementation of a new “values-based” recruitment model which seeks to use morals as the primary determinant in recruitment decisions. “Her values totally matched up with Theta’s, too. Like, she’s really pretty and they value that.”
“Recruitment is a two-way street and girls always end up where they are supposed to,” defended Christine Watson, Recruitment Chair for Theta. “A week of obtuse paranoia and mind-games is just part of the journey.”
At press time, Moore emotionally confided in her Rho Gamma that she was a “fucking legacy” before collapsing on the curb once again.
