Birthright Trip Also Subsidizes Guilt

JERUSALEM—In a press release, Birthright Israel has stated they will now subsidize the guilt liberal American participants feel for being in a program sponsored by the Israeli government in addition to all other expenses. “I can’t wait to float in the Dead Sea!” said Jewish Bruin Russ Rosenberg, who had previously felt queasy about going after reading about the situation in the West Bank and Gaza. “I really don’t like the Israeli government, and definitely condemn the war crimes they’re committing in Palestine,” stated Rosenberg. “However, I know like half the country doesn’t support Netanyahu and most Jews around the world don’t hate Arabs, so Birthright is now exploiting that shred of good will by subsidizing my guilt for me.” Later in the trip, Rosenberg partied in Tel Aviv while Birthright’s policy made him forget Prime Minister Netanyahu wants Israelis to illegally settle and drive Palestinians away from the West Bank.