Academy Not Racist, Has Black Friend
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Following accusations that the 2016 Academy Awards are biased against actors of color, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences confirmed […]
Articles by Nathan Glovinsky
Pro-Feast Militia Organizes and Occupies Dining Hall
WESTWOOD—Following UCLA Dining Services’ decision to close residential dining hall Feast on the weekends, a group of students have occupied the dining hall in protest […]
Op-Ed: Iowa, Explained By The Most Popular Girl In Middle School
When I got to school on Monday, everyone was talking about Iowa. Great. last time I checked, I was the cool new girl who worked her way […]
Flint, Michigan Offers To Alleviate California Drought
FLINT, MI—Noting that there’s “plenty to go around,” Mayor Dayne Walling of Flint, Michigan announced in a press conference Jan. 19 that the city was […]
PETA Denounces Cruel Treatment Of Bruin Bear
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA administration’s decision to put a large protective box around the Bruin Bear statue in Bruin Plaza for “Rivalry Week,” People for […]
Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big
WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of […]
Thousands Of Red Solo Cups Displaced By War On Christmas
GENEVA — Since the beginning of Starbucks’ announced “War on Christmas” last week, thousands of red solo cups have left their homeland in fear of […]
Obama Deploys Troops To The Middle East Per Tradition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In keeping with executive tradition, President Barack Obama announced on Oct. 30 that he had authorized the deployment of ground forces in […]
House Loses Boehner, Usually Doesn’t Happen
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amidst much prolonged stress, the House of Representatives publicly lost its Boehner on Oct. 29. “This usually doesn’t happen, we promise. It’s rare to […]