Seasoned Hydroflask Awarded Purple Heart Sticker
ANNAPOLIS, MD — After recovering from a recent drop onto concrete, a local Hyrdoflask was bestowed the prestigious “Purple Heart” sticker for its heroism and […]
ANNAPOLIS, MD — After recovering from a recent drop onto concrete, a local Hyrdoflask was bestowed the prestigious “Purple Heart” sticker for its heroism and […]
BIRMINGHAM, AL — After seeing Democratic candidate Doug Jones defeat Republican Roy Moore in the Alabama senate special election today, the nation was diagnosed with […]
WESTWOOD — Upon the declaration that first-year political science student Kelsey Reinhart “didn’t drink in high school,” reporters observed Reinhart at a recent party going […]
WESTWOOD — Bruin Democrats President Melissa Hargrave informed club members this past Wednesday that the club had received enough funding to install new couches for […]
RALEIGH, NC — In a move some cousins are calling “unexpected,” area preteen Mark Carmichael was granted access to dine at the adult table for […]
MANKATO, MN — After being attacked for his lack of gratitude toward President Donald Trump, area turkey Mr. Gobbles, father of recently pardoned turkey Drumstick, […]
WESTWOOD — With the Nov. 13 “Ben Shapiro: The Rise of Campus Facism” event, Bruin Republicans was officially declared to be back on their bullshit […]
WESTWOOD — After studying its surface, scientists have recently discovered a new strain of Hepatitis on the surface of the discarded cream-colored couch outside Beta […]
WESTWOOD — On Monday, October 30, members of a notoriously exclusive club were seen on Bruin Walk encouraging random passerby to join their notoriously exclusive […]
WESTWOOD — In an upset some are calling “once in a lifetime,” sources report that first-year Communications student Katie Moore has been dropped from Kappa […]
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